The Wait Begins

We are one step closer. June 12, 2015 was our official certification day.

While filling out the paperwork and finishing our classes, we prayerfully completed each task. My husband related it to a train that has started to roll out of the station and there isn't any stopping at this point. It was an interesting comment and so true. Our train has certainly left the station to an unknown destination. This is a scary prospect but also exciting. We don't know what peaks and valleys we will see on this journey. We will likely see some harsh realities of the world but we will also be able to see the glorious miracles. There is a chance that we will pick up a few passengers along the way that we will have to leave at another station but eventually, we will find the perfect fit for our train ride.

I find it fascinating how my heart has changed so much during this process. At first, I was leery about getting into foster care adoption because I was afraid of my heart breaking. I was so naive. Look at these children, whether they be a tiny baby or a older teenager who have been ripped from everything they know at no fault of their own and how their hearts are damaged. What about their hearts? Who is going to protect them? Seeing the  eyes of these children and learning their stories and bonding with other moms striving to help these kids has made me realize that my heart can take this. Yes, these stories try to rip at my heart and break it down but I will hold strong. We owe these kids the love and support that they so desperately desire and need. We always say that "someone" should take care of them. Well, I am here and I raise my hand to say, "I will be that someone. God, use me for the sake of these kids. Guide me, mold me and strengthen me to move down this path without fear. Help me to show grace and mercy to the parents who may not have had the best upbringing and don't know how to raise their own  kids. Grant me patience while we work to piece these children back together. God, hold our family close as our train barrels down the road of life and we welcome new guests into our lives. Thank you for putting this task on my heart."

The Daunting Paperwork,Tests and Other To-Dos

With our March deadline for completion fast approaching, it seems like we aren't going to hit that mark. Typically I try to control things and make sure we are on target but during this process, we have run into small detours that have caused us some delay. Most of this is financial due to us trying to stick to a very strict budget to make us more financially secure. Through Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University, we are eliminating our debts one by one. It is a freeing feeling but also frustrating as we have to be so careful about where each dollar goes. We want to instill this methodical way of thinking in our children. I went off on a tangent. What I was trying to get at is that we need to give this to God. This is His timing, His glorious plan and His will.

We had a sermon at church today about answering God's call. One of the reason's that people fail to answer the call is that they feel they are too comfortable to do something that would disrupt their status quo. As I mentioned before, we are really comfortable. We are really happy with how our lives are but we still feel like there is room in our hearts and home. I am pretty sure that this will throw our lives into a loop but what do you think this has done to these kids in foster care? They have no control over what happens. We are honored that we can be a piece to their puzzle and hopefully show them what a happy, healthy and loving family is.

So slowly, but surely, we will get these tasks done and we will being the wait. Our hearts are prepared to love a little someone who we will call ours....if even for a little while.

What we are getting ourselves into

We would like to share with you what we are going to be experiencing while walking the foster to adopt process.

 This is that path that a child takes. Foster to adopt families enter into this process at various time during these stages

1.       A child is removed from their home whether it be from neglect, abuse or unsafe living conditions.

2.       The child is placed in an Emergency Safe House (ESH). Here in Orange County it is called Orangewood and in LA it is called Palinski. The social worker assigned to the child determines whether the child is better in a foster home, group home or with a relative or custodian.

3.       Within 72 hours of removal, the parent(s) must attend a “Detention Hearing” This is where the judge determines whether the child can go back home or become a ward of the County. The parents will learn what they need to do in order to have the child returned to them. After the hearing, the children who are returned to their parents will be provided with in home services.

4.       “Review Hearings” are held every 6 months to review the process of reunification. If the child is over the age of 4, they may be asked to come to Court. They will play in the kids room until the social worker comes and questions them. They will not be in the courtroom. Family visits during this time the court ordered family visits will occur. They will be a neutral place with the social workers, foster parents, foster child and birth family. These are typically once a week for an hour depending on what the court orders.

5.       At these hearings, the child might be reunified with their birth parents.

6.       If Reunification is given a poor prognosis, termination of reunification services is a result. This is typically 12-18 months after the “Detention Hearing” Parents will then need to pay for these services. Kids can still be reunified but the county will not pay for it.

7.       Within 18-36 month after the “Detention Hearing,” there is the “.26 Hearing” where the court terminates parental rights. The birth family has 60-70 days to appeal but the appeals typically don’t go through as it takes a lot to get to this point. Only if they find the court did something wrong would they approve an appeal. Family visits will end.

8.       Foster status ends at this point and the signing of adoption Placement Agreement occurs

9.       The big Adoption Court Date happens 2-6 months after the signing.

Here are the steps that Brandon and I will be taking.

1.       Olive Crest receives books, flyers and has access to secured websites that lists children waiting for foster to adopt families

2.       Our Olive Crest social worker will review the information and look for a “match.” The county is overflowing with Children so they are working to find the best possible matches.

3.       Our Social Worker will call us with a potential match. If we want to move forward, which we don’t have to), our home study will be submitted to the County where the child lives. Either Orange or LA County but more than likely OC.

4.       The county reviews all potential families and if selected, a pre placement conference with our social worker will occur. This step could take a few days to a few weeks.

5.       We will meet with the child’s social worker where we will receive a picture, and a report on the child, their history, birth family, experiences, health issues and case prognosis. We must take 24-48 hours to decide if we want to proceed. They will not take an answer on the spot.

6.       If we decide to move forward, arrangements will be made to meet the child. This might be at the current foster home, county facility or a neutral location.

7.       The placement can take a week up to two months. The factors that make the difference are the age of the child, ability to handle the transition and depth of attachment to the current supervisor.

8.       Once placed, the social worker will visit our house 2-3 times a month until the adoption is finalized to ensure all is going well.

What to expect  A random list of things you should know

1.       The child will be scared and confused but we have been given tools to help them work through this.

2.       Our lives will be pretty busy during this time as we will be having family visits and meetings with the social workers.

3.       We will likely have to take the child to therapy which will possibly involve the family to ensure we are able to help the child

4.       The normal methods of disciplining a child will not work. There is absolutely no spanking, hitting or threatening manners. There will be no time outs but more of a time in. We will likely use a soft blanket and pillow for the child to retreat to if they are needing discipline but they will remain in the room with us. We are dealing with someone who has dealt with a lot of trauma so we need to understand that when they act out, they are scared. Their brains need to be rewired and through love and compassion, it will happen.

5.       There will be hard times or “triggers” which are typically Holidays. We will do our best to assist the child through this. They may also have triggers that we are not aware of so we need to be vigilant when they act out to see if we notice a pattern.

6.       There will be laughter and light and love.

7.       The child may be of a different ethnicity.

8.       The child may have siblings that they want to remain in contact with

9.       The birthparents probably don’t know any better. I am sure they love their children but they weren’t taught how to take care of them. More than likely, they grew up in foster care themselves. 

10.   There will be rough days

11.   Olive Crest gives us their cell numbers that we can call 24-7 in case we need to talk things through with them

12.   We may have several placements before the “one” will be ours forever

13.   If they are reunified, it will be hard but we know that we have given someone hope and the love of a family if even for a short time.

14.   We have been preparing Madilynne that we may have a little one stay with us while their parents figure out grown up things. We may have ot take them back to their families but God will need us to keep one of them forever.

15.   The child maybe in daycare for a portion of the time depending on age

16.   It might be hard to have them in daycare but the way it is viewed is that this child will be getting attention in a safe place where they weren’t getting that before in their own home. Olive Crest’s view is that if you can have as much family time in the evening, that the kids will adapt even if having to be in daycare.  They are finding a trend that most foster parents have to work.

17.   Any babysitter will need to be fingerprinted and CPR/First aid certified.

18.   A routine will be key during this process

19.   We want to love them as much as we can and make them feel part of our family from day one.

20.   Bonding usually occurs in this order for foster kids; pets, other children in home, adults

What Brandon and I have to tend to

Training: 3 onsite which we have finished and 1 online course

We must read 2 books about working with children who have been abused or neglected

Bring fingerprinted

CPR/First Aid certified

Home Study

Must set up generic bedroom in case of quick placement

Cars have to be inspected

Physical with the Doctor

Blood Work

In home evaluations

Learn a new discipline style that will work best with hurt children

Work with our employers as we could be placed fairly quickly

The list goes on and on but we take it one step at a time

Stitching Our Quilt

Quilts signify warmth and comfort. Each tiny square is thoughtfully placed and carefully sewn to another making a masterpiece. Some quilts are made with the same color fabric while others are wonderfully and beautifully unique. Even if the colors are as diverse as a rainbow, they somehow find a way to make the quilt become one unified work of art that is held together through thread representing love and backed by one solid fabric representing God.

Some families share the same hue while other unions create shades from light to dark, though in God’s eyes, we are all family. Each person represents a small square that through love, finds itself forever stitched to the family held together by the strength of the Lord.

We are excited to start of our quilt. Each little patch will be lovingly and carefully stitched and will forever be part of our lives even if they are with us for a fleeting moment in time. We may end up with a quilt created with the same color or we could be a sewn with every color under the sun. God has already picked out our pieces so please pray for us while we find our patches and begin to create our wonderful, beautiful and unique masterpiece. 

And so it begins

As many of you know, adoption has always been on my heart. We adopted our Madilynne when she was a newborn and we are now seeking to add to our family through foster care adoption. This is a very emotional but incredibly rewarding experience,

We are currently in the process of becoming certified. This involves many training hours, fixing up our house and getting the family on board.  I think they are still looking at us with questions but we know they support our mission. We are hoping to use this blog as a way to educate everyone as to the process of going through this path. 

Thank you for your support and love through this journey. Know that we won't be able to share every detail but it will be a great place to update everyone on the progress.

With Love,

The Nortons